he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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