Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize