and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nutella sex= disaster
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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