We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
