Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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