My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
