I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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