mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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