My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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