She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My bed smells like the plague
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
