then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
