bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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