I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
