A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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