I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And then he peed in my hair
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