I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
