The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
