His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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