she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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