when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize