all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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