Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I sprained my soul last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
