you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
