We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
