i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
