he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
