But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
