I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
