Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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