Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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