He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
