I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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