i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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