i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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