So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't deserve a penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize