i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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