Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
