Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
