By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
