Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
im on a boat
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