hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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