i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize