You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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