guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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