in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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