so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
