so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
