I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
