I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
