he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im part way to drunk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize