I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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