if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
