your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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