yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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