his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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