I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
