I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
