when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
