Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
