totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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