its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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