Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
