Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
