I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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