I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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