I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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