I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
