No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize