my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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